between men and women until we
destroy marriage" – Ms Robin Morgan
"My current position on marriage is that
I am against it. … Politically, I am
against it because it has been
oppressive for women, and through
privileging heterosexuality, oppressive
for lesbians and gay men" – Virginia
Braun
The above statements were made by two
foremost feminists. Feminism in the right
sense of it had always been about fighting for
equality of rights for women. From the early
days of the first wave feminist movements
which focused mainly on suffrage and legal
obstacles of equality in voting and property
rights, to the second wave feminism of the
70s and 80s which sought for rights in the
workplace, family and sexuality for women,
the campaigns have always been for the men
folk to stop the age long oppression of women
in all aspects of life. The main focus of my
write-up however is on how feminism may be
affecting marriages all over the world. The
effect may be more in the developed
countries but it is slowly and surely creeping
into Africa and Nigeria.
Robin Morgan who I quoted in the first
paragraph is known as the mother of modern
feminism. Though she was initially married
with a son, she later divorced her husband,
and declared for atheism saying that religion
is patriarchal and thus demeaning to women.
Another radical feminist, Linda Gordon was
quoted as saying that the nuclear family
must be destroyed and that the break-up of
families is an objectively revolutionary
process. Perhaps the most radical feminist
statement yet came from Valerie Solanas in
her writing, the S.Approach manifesto where
she wrote that "to call a man an animal is to
flatter him; he is a machine, a walking Love
machine" She went ahead to call to women to
overthrow all forms of male leadership as a
way of making the world a better place. One
common factor with these people apart from
misandry is their real or imagined disdain for
the institution of marriage and (for some) the
encouragement of or active participation in
Lesbianism and Gayism. To them, marriage is
sexist and demeans women. Jane Lewis
wrote, " Symbolically, the white wedding
asserts that women's ultimate dream and
purpose is to marry, and remains replete with
sexist imagery: the father "giving away" the
bride; the white dress symbolizing the bride's
virginity (and emphasizing the importance of
her appearance); the vows to obey the
husband; the minister telling the husband
"you may now kiss the bride" (rather than the
bride herself giving permission, or indeed
initiating or at least equally participating in
the act of kissing); the reception at which,
traditionally, all the speeches are given by
men; the wife surrendering her own name
and taking her husband's." The list goes on
and on.
But if i may ask, will the end of marriage as
an institution as canvassed by some
feminists actually translate to the end of
women's travails and alleged oppression? Will
the change in the natural roles of men at
home as opposed to that of women mean an
end to marital problems? If marriage is such a
terrible anti-female experience, why then are
feminists especially in developed climes
campaigning for lesbian and gay marriages?
Since marriage is bad, then the same sexes
should stay off, shouldn't they? Does equal
rights for both men and women translate to
equality of both sexes? If both sexes are
equal why then do we have different sports
tournaments for men and women? Why did
God create us differently if he didn't intend
for us to assume different roles in life
(Genesis 1:27)? I have heard some of them
even seen on their facebook walls and other
social media question why a woman must be
submissive to the husband in marriage as
directed by the scriptures. They suggest to
their female friends ways to rebel against
their husbands and "keep them in their right
places". They are marriage counselors who
themselves are not married. Before some
people misunderstand me, i am not in any
way supporting domestic violence or
maltreatment in marriage as I believe in
mutual respect between both sexes. But i am
pro-marriage and i am a sincere believer that
marriage MUST be a union between MAN and
WOMAN, and not between man and man or
woman and woman. Indeed the joy of
companionship, the strength the couple find
in the love between them, the way the two
become whole in personality and emotionally,
the pleasures and satisfaction of sex, the
reward of having and raising children e.t.c
can only come through the life-long
permanency of marriage. The increasing rate
of juvenile delinquency we have these days is
a direct result of breakdown of the marriage
institution especially in the developed world,
where single parenting, baby mamaism,
broken homes e.t.c is the order of the day.
In conclusion, while discussing this marriage
issue with a female friend who prides herself
as a feminist, she called those "other
feminists" old fashioned and said the modern
feminist like herself actually do not dislike
marriage on principle. She said she disagrees
with this general notion that a woman isn't
complete till she is married off and that
society frowns at single accomplished ladies
like herself. My take on that is, marriage is
not something to be rushed into just because
you need to be called a Mrs. or because the
biological clock is ticking away. It is a life
contract and so care should be taken to get
someone you are at least compatible with and
can grow old with. Truly there is no perfect
marriage, but like they say tough times don't
last, but tough people do.
Posted By David Aniemeka
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