8 Lies Married Women Tell Publicly

What a married woman says about her
marriage is most of the time the opposite of
the truth and reality of what her life is. Her
mother brought her up on the 'marriage is
forever' creed. Her pastor said 'marriage is till
death do you part'. The society insists that all
divorced women are loose and lousy. What
does she do between the devil and the deep
blue sea? She tells everybody what they want
to hear. Well, check some of these out and
see if they are familiar.
*.1. If I come back into this world again,
I'll marry my husband over and again.
The truth: Is my husband coming back to this
world again? Aaarggh. God will have to
choose between creating him and me. If that
goat is coming back to the world, then I am
definitely not coming. That way there is no
likelihood of us ever meeting even for dinner,
least of all marriage. I have had enough of
him to last ten lifetimes. I know God is not
wicked, so He won't allow me to marry this
man again.
*.2. My husband has never raised his
hands against me. I don't understand
women who stay with men who
physically abuse them. It is so crazy.
The truth: Of course, it is crazy and I'm no
longer sureof my own sanity. Or why else am I
still here? He has removed two of my teeth
and I had been hospitalised with cracked ribs
before. His eyes light up when he's beating
me, so I think he's crazy too. Maybe we are
both lunatics but trust me, nobody
understands wife battery like I do. I guess
we'll soon form an association, League of
Battered Women, and I'd be the founding
Country Director. It's not funny.
. *.3. My husband is the perfect
gentleman. He is so wonderful, all any
woman would want in a man.
The truth: Perfect gentleman, my foot. He
belches loudly, talks with his mouth full and
doesn't know what you use a dessert spoon
for it is different from what you use a
teaspoon for. If he's not picking his nose in
public, he's eating his nails. He's forever
embarrassing me in public. What's worse, the
only topic he can discuss intelligently is
football. He can't name 10 governors in
Nigeria but he can tell you the names of the
goalkeepers in the Premiership. He forgets
my birthday, comes home late on our
wedding anniversary and has locked my
father out of our home before. He runs me
down in front of my friends and pinches their
buttocks when he thinks I'm not looking.
. *.4. No woman can snatch my husband.
The truth: This one? He was snatched a long
time ago. I have given up on him and
accepted my fate. He has two children
outside from two different women and weare
still expecting more. He is the original he-
goat. If you put a skirt on an electric pole,
he'll wink at the pole. He's insatiable. My only
worry is for my life. A man who has children
outside his marriage is a non-condom-
wearing dog. And that makes me a candidate
for HIV and its little brothers.
. *.5. If not for my children, I would have
left him.
The truth: Leave him and go where? Who will
take care of me like he does? Leave him and
forfeit my good life- summer and winter
holidays wherever I want, contacts that being
married to him gives me and the good sex?
Not on your life! Sure, sometimes I feel like
killing him but I'm not leaving him. In fact,
he'd have to die to get rid of me. The
advantages far outweigh the down side and
never mind the children angle, if I really want
to go I can take them, can't I? I'm simply not
going anywhere, not now, not soon, not ever.
*.6. He is the pillar of support for my
career.
The truth: What pillar? That man is
permanently holding diggers and cutlasses to
cutdown my career and uproot everything
good the whole world can see I have
achieved. If you know what I have had to
stomach to remain a 'Mrs', you will pity me.
This man has come to my office several times
to harass my colleagues, accuse my boss of
sleeping with me. He once came into a
restaurant where we were having a breakfast
meeting to make trouble thinking that I was
meeting a lover. He stormed in and found
eight of us at the table. This 'pillar' of my life
regularly locks me out of the house if I return
home later than he wants. Right now we are
in the middle of a major 'boko haram'
because I want to goabroad to round off a PhD
programme and he has said if I go, it would
be the end ofthe marriage. He is asking me
what I need a PhD for if not to be addressed a
Dr when he is still a Mr. You should not
believe everything you see because some of
these things are photo tricks.
*.7. He is a great provider. He makes
sure I don't lack anything.
The truth: I pay the rent and the children's
schoolfees. I am the one who makes sure he
doesn't lack anything but it is such a shame
and I cannot tell anybody. This human being
is lazy but he loves the goodlife. I am sticking
it because if I leave today, everybody will
declare me guilty, arrogant and a deserter. I
wish things were different but I have to
sustain this lie.
. *.8. He is a stud and he wears me out
in bed all the time. In fact, I'm tired.
The truth: Stud ko, stud ni. I'm lucky if he
touches me once in a month. All he thinks
about are his containers and consignment. He
has consigned me to the dustbin of celibacy. I
am so hungry for the 'thing' now I'm eyeing
Audu, the maiguard. Can you blame me?
Posted By David Aniemeka