Monday, December 1, is World AIDS Day, a
day set aside since 1988 to beam the
searchlight on HIV (human immunodeficiency
virus) and AIDS (acquired immune deficiency
syndrome). There are divergent opinions and
efforts on how to curb and stop the spread of
HIV and AIDS. You might not agree with some
of the opinions and methods, but you cannot
fault the commitment of people who over the
years have contributed to curbing the spread
of HIV. As usual there will be various
activities, including talks, tomark the day.
The position canvassed by aguest on a radio
show last year informed this article. He said
secondary pupils should be taught how to use
condoms andcontraceptives, as part of sex
education, to curb the spread of AIDS because
some of them are sexually active.
It got me thinking; after learning how to
use condoms, whose daughters are they
going to sleep with? Where are they
going to engage in their sexual
activities since many parents will not
allow it under their roofs? Which hotels
let rooms to children? Are affected
parents not entitled to sue such hotels?
Where will they get the money to fund
their amorous affairs since they do not
earn incomes? Oh, okay, they can do it
nicodemusly (surreptitiously) in school,
uncompleted buildings, bushes and
when they are home alone. If our
teenage sons are going to mess around
with other people's daughters, what
moral rights do we have to protect our
underaged daughters from being
messed around with?
Why should we introduce our daughters
to contraceptives with attendant side
effects including infertility? After
teaching them how to use condoms/
contraceptives how do they reconcile
the contradictions when they pray and
study portions of the Bible condemning
sexual immorality especially where they
are told their bodies are temples of the
Holy Spirit and not for fornication?
Please I need help; I need answers.
More questions, beyond the marriage
ceremony and official stamp, what is the
difference between teenage sex in marriage
and out of marriage? Why would you crucify
the lawmakers who said once a girl reaches
puberty she is ripe for marriage and at the
same time encourage your teenage
daughters to engage in teen sex or turn a
blind eye when they do so? Our daddy, Sir
Gabriel Adoghe, reminded me last week that
in Warri, they say "die na die." In this case,
sex na sex. Our problem with under-aged
marriage is that it is disruptive; their
reproductive organs might not cope with
pregnancy and childbirth and they are not
physically, economically and mentally ready
for parenthood. When teenagers engage in
sex, is this not the lot that awaits them?
Encouraging teenagers to use condoms and
contraceptives begs the issue. Their
inexperience and anxiety will even make the
effort epileptic. Campaigners against AIDS
always tell us that abstinence, with mutual
fidelity, remains the best form of protection;
why should we teach our children to aim for
bronze (use contraceptives) instead of gold
(abstinence)?
One of my friends feels inhibited in parenting
when it comes to the issue of sexuality
because he became a parent in his teens. I
tell him that the fact that he was caught in
the farm does not make him the only thief;
others only escaped. This should not be a
stumbling block in properly molding his
children. If St. Paul had allowed his defective
past to inhibit him, we would have been
robbed of so many great books in the Bible.
As long as old things have passed away and
the new has taken over, I do not see any issue
or hypocrisy there. The essence of following
another driver on a pothole-ridden road is to
avoid the potholes he dodges and those he
falls into. We should not allow our children
make the mistakes we made. Okiemute
(there is a time for everything) and
Edirinverere (patience has rewards) are
popular names in Urhoboland. We should
knock the essence of such names into our
children's heads and write the spirit in their
hearts rather than just giving children native
names to identify them with their ethnic
origins. Ultimately, our children will have
their way, but let us at least have our say, so
that we can be
at peace with our creator.
One major danger of encouraging children to
use contraceptives is that you make them
emotionally dependent on others rather than
being independent. Being without spouses,
money and homes of their own, they are
severely handicapped in satisfying their
sexual urge. If we do not encourage them to
fan into flame the gift of self control God has
deposited in them, we make them vulnerable;
we also put their younger siblings, other
children around and even domestic animals
at risk of sexual abuse. If they do not start
learning self control now, when are they
going to learn it; after marriage? I said it
before; marriage is no ticket to unbridled sex.
Work, travels, ill health and many other
factors mean that your spouse is not available
24/7. It is the grace of God and the gift of self
control that keep faithful spouses going. We
need to educate our children that sexual urge
is a "burden" all humankind bears. We are all
involved, except children who have not
reached puberty, exceptionally gifted adults
and those whose battery cells are dying or
completely dead. We should help and
encourage them to bear their cross, we
should teach them to live responsibly.
The theme for this year is "Getting to Zero";
in other words, achieving an HIV/AIDS-free
world. This is a tall order for varying reasons
and there will continue to be divergent views
on how to achieve it, but we must all continue
to push on at individual and collective levels.
The pervasive desperation to find a cure
makes you to keep quiet and wait whether
even methods you are opposed to will work.
Meanwhile abstinence and mutual fidelity
remain the best form of protection against
the spread of HIV through sex.
Posted By David Aniemeka
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